Woh Humsafar Tha - Chapter 6

My Fault

"Ha..pp..y Birth...day Khu..si bit... iya." Khushi looked back, shock painting her features as her babuji wheeled himself towards her with an oddly wrapped gift in his hand at the dead of night. Running to her father like a little child, Khushi bent before him and kept her hands on his knees as he gently touched her chin and pressed his fingers to his lips.

It was already the first of August, but then Khushi had been born right between 11:59 and 12:00 am, making 31st July and 1st August special - giving Shashi an excuse to give a two day celebration for his favourite daughter. Clasping her bandaged hand, Shashi clicked his tongue in annoyance as he looked at his child for answers.

He knew that everything led to Arnav, but seeing the momentary joy in Khushi's eyes as she munched on the half burnt jalebis forbid him to ask anymore.

This is what he wanted.

Khushi to feel her namesake.

To feel happiness.

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"Jiji, please look after the breakfast! I'll hurry off to Shanitvan, Payali..." Garima broke off as she caught Khushi fast asleep on the sofa with her head on Shashi's lap. The latter was blinking slowly with drowsiness as the rising sun fell on his eyes, yet he barely stopped patting his child's head.

Keeping her purse aside, Garima and Madhumati walked as Shashi cleared his throat and asked them to be silent, motioning them to the gift wrapper. A soft gasp left both the women's mouths as they realised that they completely forgot their younger one's birthday.

The motherly instinct in Garima kicked in as she noted the chopped hair and scars to a great detail. Shashi almost laughed as his sister flared up and was about to get her beloved belan to smash the devil 'who ruined their daughter's' head.

"Ff... forget who dd... did what. Ll... let's mm... make her d... day spec... cial." Madhumati calmed at Shashi's words and looked down at her sleeping Sanka Devi. She could deal the rest of the world later if it meant keeping Khushi's happiness before them.

And then hadn't she earlier been a reason for Khushi's despair? The guilt of almost having been the reason of Khushi's destruction still sent shudders of regret in her body. Giving a motherly smile to Khushi, Madhumati huffed up and packed up a homemade tiffin for Garima to give to Payal and headed to the kitchen to make Khushi's favourite breakfast.

Khushi frowned a little as her mother knocked her knuckle gently on Khushi's head for her best wishes. Shashi laughed when Khushi twitched her nose slightly as the smell of fresh puris filled the room.

"Aloo puri..." Khushi muttered in her sleep.

Madhumati and Shashi chuckled. Khushi stirred in her sleep to find a huge plate of puris, aloo sabzi and halwa before her eyes.

"Happy Birthday Bhukkad Devi." Madhumati laughed as Khushi pouted but smiled when Shashi kissed her head with blessings. Madhumati placed an old, but beautiful delicate pink chikankari saree on Khushi's lap.

Shashi signaled his sister to say nothing about Khushi's hair or scars.

Shaking her head slightly Madhumati talked about the saree's history and smiled as Khushi was lost in the intricate chikankari designs. "Now run and change into this my little birthday girl. And yes, first take bath and give food to Nandkisore before you gobble it yourself!"

The smile disappeared from her lips the minute Khushi walked softly to the bedroom. Looking at her brother, Madhumati cried softly "What has happened to our family?"

Shashi only smiled sadly in return.

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Not heeding to Madhumati's words, Khushi held the saree next to her shoulder and ran up to the mirror to check her reflection.

Her smile froze as she looked at the short haired, pale woman stand before her. The saree fell on the floor with a soft thud as tears followed suit. For a moment Khushi had truly forgotten whatever had happened in her life.

Arnav's words

Her hasty decisions

Payal's miscarriage

Falling on her knees, Khushi rested her head against the banister of her bed. She wouldn't have continued to love that man, but hating him hurt more than it could have ever to love him.

She heard her Bua call out to her, the happiness of a birthday song ringing loud in her boisterous tone.

No.

Khushi could not let one man destroy her life, even if she was more of him than anything.

Wiping her tears away, Khushi walked to the bathroom and splashed her face repeatedly with ice cold water. With every wash Khushi drowned every memory that made her love him. Raising a mug with trembling hands, she let the tepid water wash through her, dissolving the very few moments when he had confessed his love to her.

It didn't matter.

Rinsing the shampoo off her hair and stepping out of the shower, Khushi walked back into her room, unmindful of the water patches on the floor. As she peeled every layer of wet clothing off her body, she added a layer of tar on her heart.

Khushi stared at herself in the mirror and let a laugh escape her.

In spite of her new found resolve she couldn't find it in herself to remove the mangalsutra clasped around her neck. Clutching the thin black necklace in her palm, Khushi breathed hard and shook her head.

She wouldn't pretend to stop loving the man she never could.

So does that mean everything was over?

Khushi looked up at the mirror, her eyes giving away her reluctance.

But it hurts to be with him, and hurts more to be without him.

Wiping her tears furiously, Khushi draped the saree on, failing repeatedly. Bunching the messy folds in her hands, Khushi sunk in her bed, recalling the first few days of her marriage.

Couldn't he ever ask her what she wanted? Couldn't he ever ask her for justification! Coul... why was she punished?

Khushi smiled wryly at her fate, she had never wanted anything from the Lord nor from the man who claimed to be one.

Except him to be hers.

And that ruined all.

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"You know that Anjali shouldn't be taking stress at such a delicate time. There are signs of premature delivery but if it happens then let me warn you, Mr. Raizada, that she cannot go for natural labor. I hope you understand." Dr. Firoza walked away while a sleep deprived Arnav barely nodded.

Sitting next to his sister, he held her hand and pressed a soft kiss to it. Anjali sat up, looking sadly at her shattered brother.

Coughing a bit, Arnav sat straight and glared at her "Di, how many times should I tell you to eat on time? Do you know what I felt when I heard that you collapsed at 4 today morning? Di... what if," Arnav broke off, his body shuddering in fear while Anjali cupped his cheek gently and apologised.

"Why are you taking out your fear for Khushi on me?" Arnav looked up, jolted as Anjali took her hand back from his and inspected the intravenous in her hand.

"Di..."

"I hate myself chote. I... I feel like I'm worse than the third woman in mumma's life."

"DI! How dare, what's wrong with you!" Arnav grabbed her shoulders, glaring at a depressed Anjali.

"Nothing's wrong with me. And what do we even know about that third woman? Maybe she didn't even know papa was married. What if she was like Khushi?"

Arnav's mouth closed as he forced himself to think the other way. What if the other woman was just as innocent?

Clearing his head, Arnav said "Really Di? No one would know about the Maliks by being in Lucknow?"

Anjali chuckled and moved Arnav's hand aside "His wife never knew him." Anjali reasoned, and let out a deep sigh "And I? I am disgusted of myself. "

Arnav groaned in protest while Anjali stopped him from saying further. "Do you know chote that I had blackmailed Khushi to pay us a lakh rupees if she didn't turn up at our house to train Lavanya?"

"Wait, what? But why Di?" Arnav asked, unable to fathom his sweet sister doing anything as terrible as him.

"For you chote. And now I think that I am the reason for everyone's sorrow! There was a part of me that was suspicious about Shyam's character - especially when he began hiding whenever Khushi came." Anjali said, recalling the time when Hari Prakash told her that Shyam had inquired about the pineapples before eating them on purpose. Was it a coincidence that Khushi turned up in the house at the same time?

"Over that Khushi's fiance was a Shyam and the day the real Shyam and Khushi met, her engagement broke... I had a whiff of things." Anjali lamented on her decision while Arnav looked on, shocked.

"But why didn't you tell me?" He rasped.

"For the same reason why you didn't! I wanted my child to have a father and I thought that somewhere down the line Shyam would love me. After meeting in the temple and getting to know that he was in the same law college as me, it was beyond everything chote. I finally found someone who didn't look at me as if I'm handicapped!" Anjali vented while Arnav gently touched her shoulder, shaking his head.

"We don't see you as one Di."

"You don't?" Anjali cut off, her anger mounting "Have any of you asked me what it is to stay locked up in a house twenty four seven? Have any of you allowed me to travel somewhere? Tell me chote, had I actually been a normal woman and fallen in love with Shyam, would have allowed me to marry him at the first shot?" Anjali mirthlessly smiled at Arnav's silence.

"No, all that everyone cared was that he loved the handicapped Anjali and treated her carefully. It didn't cross anybody's mind to even check who he was or what he was!"

"But, it's not your fault, it's mine. Had I worked on my suspicions then he wouldn't have kidnapped you! I never protected Payal from Mami's insults and I just as well ignored Khushi when you two married." Anjali wallowed in her guilt as she recalled Khushi's frightened sobs.

She never realised her own fault and unfortunately that seemed to have passed on to her brother. It was her fault to have loved a man beyond her God, to have loved a man beyond her family.

It was her fault to have loved.

Sobbing softly, Anjali whispered "He was my husband, my love. The father of my baby... but I never knew that my dreams would cost me so much..."

"Shush..." Arnav hugged her, his heart struggling between the mixed emotions. As Anjali cried in his shoulder, Arnav knew that his sister was not to be blamed. If he had been half as intelligent as her, then things wouldn't have been the way they were today. Arnav looked at his empty ring finger, did he even deserve Khushi?

"Di..."

"Tell me."

"Is it possible to want someone even if you don't deserve?"

"If you didn't cheat her, then you shouldn't part."

"But I've hurt her, a lot."

Anjali held her brother's face and asked "Do you love her?"

"Yes."

"Have you told her."

"Not at the right time."

Pushing his wayward locks behind, Anjali sighed "If not, how will she know?"

"But I've... I don't deserve her Di." Arnav whispered, his fingers twisted in worry.

"No one does. You just need to know if anyone in this world can love her more than you do. And if not, get her." Anjali kissed his forehead and wiped his tears.

"Also, leave me alone. I know I'm an important part of your life... but then, just a part of your life." She said and signaled her brother to leave.

The minute her obedient brother left, Anjali hugged a pillow close and let sleep overcome her.

Shyam was an important part of her life, but just a part of it.

Resting her hand on her pregnant stomach, it was time she practiced what she preached.

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"How's Khushi?" Payal asked, her voice feeble from exhaustion. Garima kissed her daughter's head and nodded in reply. Feeding her older daughter lovingly, she vowed not to break down in front of her.

Akash stood at the corner of their room, his eyes trained on Payal's bed ridden form.

I love you... forgive me.

His mind repeated a thousand times, but then... guilt was the stronger emotion.

Smiling briefly as his older brother walked in to check at Payal, Akash looked as Arnav engaged in a polite conversation with Garima. One that even he couldn't manage, guilt again... was the stronger emotion.

"Amma?" Payal called out to her mother who was next to her in a flash.

"Tell me Payaliya."

"Yesterday I made halwa poori for Khushi, especially with almonds and nuts in it." Payal faintly smiled, imagining the excited face of her younger sister.

Arnav was wrong to have felt none could have rivaled the sibling love he and Anjali shared.

"I'll ask H,"

"I didn't tell you." Payal snapped, glaring at the Arnav. Garima looked around hesitantly and tried to douse the situation. "Payaliya what's wrong if he gets it? It's ok na."

Payal looked at her mother, her jaws stiffening in anger. "Amma I," Payal stopped abruptly as she felt wetness between her legs. Horrified, Payal looked on as a thick blood pooled near her legs. She heard murmurs of her doctor that a medication had been administered to make sure the foetus had been discharged from her uterus.

Part of her dead baby might be in it.

Payal touched her blood with her bare fingers, her body still despite of the inner sobs that wracked her ribs. She faintly felt Akash hold her arms and beg her to be steady as the nurses tended to her.

The moments passed on as she lay limp against her bed, with Akash holding her wrist.

It was all her fault. She knew she was pregnant... she knew she had to keep herself safe.

-----

"Amma called me. Is Jiji..." Breath knocked out of his lungs as Khushi came running to him, dressed in a pale pink saree, her hair wet from a shower.

Beautiful.

Arnav's knees felt weak. Her hair framed her face like a halo. It was as if her soft, tender pink lips moved rapidly to form sentences but he could hear nothing apart from a strange rhythmic beat. He stepped back, feeling numbness prick him when the lights dimmed out with just her in focus. 

Khushi seemed to have stopped, uncertainty painting her face as she stared right back at him. His hands acted on their own, wanting to touch her when they ended up brushing over her bandaged palm.

A bolt of electricity shot through him. He snapped out. Khushi pulled her hand aside. "I've n-never seen this saree b-before." Arnav stammered, feeling heat in his cheeks. For a moment Khushi looked at him, and admired his quality of being untouched by the ugliness around them. 

"Khusi..." Garima walked by, placing her hand on Khushi's cheek "Kisi ki nazar na lage." Khushi smiled as Garima swiped some kohl under Khushi's jaw.

"Thank you amma. Do you know where's Jiji?"

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"I've been waiting for you! But why did you come here?" Payal frowned, breaking from Khushi's hug. "Jiji! How could I not come to visit you?" Khushi carefully held Payal's hand, shuddering at the intravenous drip.

Payal's smile fell as she looked at Khushi's scars and unevenly chopped hair. "Why Khushi?"

Swallowing tightly, Khushi adjusted her saree. "Jiji, did you see what Buaji gave me today?" Payal sighed sadly for a moment, then brightened up and checked out the chikankari saree. "Khushi... you're sure Buaji gave this to you? Remember when she tried to give her wedding dress?"

Both sisters split into peals of laughter at the memory of Buaji's horrendous wedding dress.

"Please Jiji! But this one is so beautiful!" Khushi chirped, her fingers running through the intricate designs. "Not more than you pagli!" Payal hit Khushi's head, squeezing her cheek slightly.

"Jiji!" Khushi whined.

"Sankadevi, I pray that on you birthday may you get tons of love. May nothing bad ever touch you. I wish that..." Payal broke off, tears pooling in her eyes "That you find happiness in your own self."

Hugging once again, Khushi got up and prepared to leave "Jiji I wished to stay for longer..."

"Shush! Don't justify to me. Trust me it's better if you leave. Even I'm tired!" Payal joked, tearing up as Khushi held her hand in understanding. "I know this makes no sense. But whatever happens... happens for good."

Payal nodded, a hand twisting on the cloth above her stomach. Watching her sister leave, Payal closed her eyes and drifted to a dreamless sleep.

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"It's your birthday?" Arnav asked, grabbing her elbow.

"How does it matter to you?" Khushi pulled herself away, heading towards the door.

"Damn it Khushi! Of course it does! You should have told me before." He accused.

Khushi leaned against the door and folded her arms. Taking a deep breath she asked "Since when? The time when you were accusing me of being the biggest mistake of your life? Or the time when you refused to believe anything out of my mouth?"

"Khushi..." Arnav exhaled, suddenly tired. "Listen Arnav, I don't hold anything against you."

"Khushi I just wanted to know because... I would have bought something for you."

"I don't need anything Arnav. At least not from you." Khushi snapped, when he grabbed her shoulders and pinned her to the door. "Why not! I'm your husband... I at least have this right to gift you."

"Don't you think you've gifted me enough? And..." Khushi stopped abruptly, swayed by the hurt in his eyes. Peeling herself away from his arms, Khushi hugged herself, feeling vulnerable.

"I..."

"A few signatures on a paper don't make you my husband."

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Hello fellas! Aren't I glad to see my most favourite people out here *hugs* So sorry for such an inexcusably long delay - trust me I wish I could update faster, hence as I compensation I'll update the next chapter really well too! Also guys - do check out my other works; Perfectly Flawed, Rogue, Khushi, Being The Missus and The Cost of Innocence. 

Loads of love!

P.S : Excuse the no quote for this update! 

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Translations

Babuji - Father

Amma - Mother

Bua - Father's sister, Aunt

Chikankari - An old, gorgeous intricate delicate style of embroidery. Speciality of Lucknow

    

Chote - L'il one/brother

Di/Jiji - (older) Sister

Bitiya - Daughter 

Shantivan - Name of the house the Raizadas live in. 

Pagli - Crazy (girl)

Sanka Devi - The Goddess of Troubles (usually used in a humorous tone)

Bhukkad Devi - Someone who eats a lot, devi means goddess.

Belan - A stick used to roll out flatbreads

Puri - Fried Flatbread

Aloo - Potato

Sabzi - Vegetable

Halwa - A  sweet Indian dish consisting of carrots,semolina or pulses boiled with milk, almonds, sugar, butter, and cardamom.