“Too Beautiful To Live”
"It's not supposed to hurt, I am a woman... I am strong enough.
It's supposed break my dreams, I am a woman... I am hopeful enough.
It's not supposed to kill me, I am a woman... I am willful enough.
It's supposed to ruin me, I am a woman... I am foolish enough.
Stop... stop! Before a woman, I am a human.
A human who has a mind to live on, a heart to hurt on."
-JS
Prologue
"Khushi Kumari Gupta, you are the biggest mistake of my life." She staggered at the impact of what her husband of a few months said. Bracing herself against a wall, Khushi gave a small smile.
No; she didn't hear it, he didn't say it.
"Nothing happened." She chanted to herself, like a prayer close to her heart. Yet the endless tears streamed down her eyes, having accepted what he said.
"Noth..." Khushi collapsed against the floor, her hands fisting near her bosom. A pain so sharp, like a thousand needles, pierced her heart. For once it beat so loudly that she could feel the blood rush into her ears and then it stopped... stopped beating.
Pressing her numb fingertips to her lips, she echoed what her husband had said "Yes! You are the reason for every sorrow in my life! Neither had you stepped into my life, nor had my sister's husband laid his eyes on you. And my sister, she would still have her marital life and be happy. But you... oh yes, you destroyed everything."
Standing up on wobbly knees, Khushi ran her hands into her hair. She never urged that Shyam to hit on her, she didn't even know he was married to Anjali! Even then, she hated the saccharine words of his. Never, never had she been even a meter close to Shyam.
If only... if only Shyam hadn't come to save her from molesters that day.
If only she allowed herself to get raped.
None of this would have happened.
Blinking a few hot tears away, she stared at the sky above. Her parents were barely twinkling back at her. Khushi didn't know if her vision was blurred with her cries or that her parents were insignificant stars in the sky.
Either way, they refused to guide her daughter.
She must have done something wrong.
"Had I been even a minute late! I would have lost... do you have an idea what would have happened!" The veins had stood up on his neck as he had yelled at her, yanking her wrist brutally. Horrified by what his words implied, Khushi swallowed as she understood that Anjali tried to force an abortion on herself... which could have led to death.
Death.
Walking towards a mirror in a few, labored steps, Khushi sought to seek herself in her reflection. Her parents left her young. The need to fund her own education stopped Payal from doing her masters. Shyam burst into their lives, leading to the great fiasco. The mysterious paralytic attack on her father. And Lavanya... the duo had sworn friendship but Lavanya had literally broken all ties with Khushi once she reached London.
Nobody loved her. But she loved all, in spite of a forced marriage and obvious neglect.
Suddenly, the air seemed to thick to breath. Thick with hatred and guilt. It was her fault... Shyam had told her a countless times that she was beautiful, gorgeous. Why? Khushi scratched her cheeks like a maniac till blood streaks appeared on her soft, fair skin. Shyam had told her that she had long, thick and beautiful hair. That vile man wished to spend his years stroking her hair.
Khushi screamed as she felt disgusted of her features.
Sobbing uncontrollably, she weakly picked up her husband's photograph and hugged it to her chest. She couldn't take it anymore. "I loved you, didn't I?" Khushi cried, her breath fanning over the glass frame.
Scarily, she believed every word he said. Khushi was the reason for every disaster... each and every one. With unsteady steps, she headed towards the kitchen... her clumsy fingers finding for anything sharp.
"You gave me your money, I didn't need it.
You gave me your name, I didn't need it.
You gave me your passion, I didn't need it.
Oh silly boy, you forgot to me thing the only thing I needed- you!"
- JS
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My dear readers,
I don't own the gif - credit to the awesome creator! Second, this is going to be a heavy story with drama and stuff but somewhere down the line (with me being a sucker for redemption) I feel the need for redeeming strong. I feel the repercussions of emotions stronger. Cause that's life.. eh?
Waiting to see your comments/votes!
Sincerely,
*
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